My heart hurts, I am about to burst into tears and honestly couldnt even explain where to start or why..... My good friend Crystal's brother passed away today, he was really sick and it was looking so good at one point and than Sunday it turned for the worst and than today he passed plus others in my church also lost loved ones this week. Yesterday I was sitting in Panera Bread eating lunch and as people were passing it was like God was showing me and allowing me to feel their hurt. I begin to think I was just being extra emotional and I texted my best friend explaing what was happening and she explained that God is opening my spiritual eyes to discerning spirits of hurt, depression and so forth. She told me to read Matthew 9:36, it talks about how Jesus had compassion on the people because of they were helpless. So many souls are helpless, so many souls dont know just how amazing God is, so many souls addicted to the worlds ways and have no clue that God can break every one of those addictions. It hurts my heart because I want to do so much, I hate the fact that people are dying and most not knowing God. I was watching the news last night and all I heard about was DEATH, it made me sick to my stomach, it made my heart cry out and for me just to pray. What can we do God, the souls that have salvation what can we do? How can we stop this crazyness in this world?

I lost a friend a year ago on Feb 17th, he got into some trouble and the cop ended up shooting him for her own safety. I remember in Januray of 2010 I tried to talk to him about God and he didnt want to hear it because all he knew about church was the men touched little boys and molested them. If people in the church only knew that every action that they take that is not in a positive way or even a move that is not right with God, the lost souls look at that and hold it against God. They question that, and ask him WHY? Death is an everyday thing to people, they accpet it because its happening so much. I just want to scream, I want to get everyone in the world together and JUST SCREAM!!! I dont understand but I would never ask why, because he does all things for a reason and his reasons are up to him to explain or not to explain.  

What I want to do though because I know i havent done my best, I know I can do better and most times I just do what is good enough instead of pressing, instead of fasting and going without, instead of waking up at 5am to pray and missing out on sleep. I want to do better, not even better I want to be in the will of God, I want to stay in that and not leave it!!! In family I am the only who is saved.... and honestly God could call one of them and I refuse for them to go to hell, so if I have to suffer not even for just my family but for any lost soul far or near i will suffer, I will go without!! I will tell my testimonys and show just what he has done for me. When they see me they will see God. Jesus took up the cross for me, so its my turn to do the same for the lost souls out in this world.