Sorry its soo long...

I think the best way I can describe my life up to this moment is to use the metaphor of a labyrinth. When I picture one in my head, it looks like a crazy maze of twists and turns leading around and around until you get dizzy, and I think to myself why anyone would use this thing, its crazy. All it accomplishes is that you get so turned around you won't be able to tell which way is up and which way is down. But in actuality a labyrinth is a path that doubles back on itself several times and leads to a center.   It is used as a spiritual tool as a metaphor for the Christian life: a meandering but purposeful journey. There is a purpose to the twists and turns, it is used to purify and find clarity and insight and to learn to hear the voice of God. That has been my life, a series of twists and turns that have had me fearful but also excited about what is waiting for me around the next corner. Although on the outside I appear to be the "put-together healthy all-American Christian girl", I have been through my fair share of struggles, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

Throughout middle school and high school I went through a lot of ups and downs with God.  I was constantly getting into trouble at school and just being an absolute terror for my family.  I was breaking the law, getting in fights and getting suspended from school.  But through the mist of all that God was working, he was showing me in small ways that I was meant for more than that.  I was able to go on a missions trip to Belize, among other trips in the States.  I learned what an awesome experience it is to show someone the true love of Christ and what a JOY it is to bring someone closer to God.  Once I graduated high school however, I put missions on the back burner and was ready to experience the "real-world"; outside of my parents arm reach I felt like I could do anything and go anywhere and have no problems.

Then it was time for college, and by the time my sophomore year rolled around I had gotten a new job and felt the pressures to conform to the patterns of this world.  The devil began to pull me farther and farther away from God and from my true purpose in life. My junior year I was hit with some serious physical struggles. I was in chronic back pain for months and went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. By the time they figured it out, I had become dependent on all my medications and couldn't function without them, I began to gain weight (because all I did was lie in bed), I cried on a daily basis and eventually became quite depressed with my life and what God had put me through. It was here that I was in my lowest of all the valleys, I felt like I was slipping down into the earth as the devil put more and more weight on me. Then one day God spoke to me through someone I had never even met (we had a mutual friend) and reminded me of God's amazing grace and how that no matter how far I stray from the path that God is always standing there waiting for me to come back and follow him. In that moment of prayer with this new found friend I could feel God's love washing over me and completely healing my pain and forgiving my sins. Even though I still have the back pain I know that this is just a reminder that everyone has hard time they go through in life but they make it through by trusting in God, it reminds me of how far I fell and how far I've come since that year. 

So after college I moved back to Memphis and worked at a local children’s hospital for a couple of years as well as helping out with the youth group at my church.  I thought about going back to school but it just never seemed like the right time. I soon realized that this is why God was telling me to push back grad school. The coworkers and patients that I met at the hospital were in my life for a reason, each one playing a different part in my journey to this year in mission work. They taught me about living for today and not tomorrow (because tragically some of them never got a tomorrow), they helped me rely on God in the face of adversity, and to experience the peace that comes from understanding that there is a reason for all that HE does.  Working with the youth group was also an amazing, but difficult task.  I love those teenagers more than I thought I could and have now been working with them for 4 years now.  Its not always easy, but when I get to see a youth really grasp the meaning of the Gospel and realize how much God loves them, it makes it all worth it.

Soo then I went to on the World Race and it completely rocked my world.  I can’t even begin to describe the transformation I went though during that year overseas.  I got to see all of God’s amazing children, his beautiful creation, and experience miracles that I never knew could exist.  I was able to see the lame walk, the sick be healed, the impossible become possible and truly see God’s awesome POWER at work.  I was able to feel the Holy Spirit come alive in me and in my teammates. I was able to once again get baptized and rededicate my life in a lake under the moon in Mozambique.  It left me wanting more but not exactly sure of how to do that or where to go next.  I have spent the last year living back in Memphis and just searching for my next step.  Sadly, I have allowed fear and self-doubt to creep back in my life and stop me from following God’s call.  I was finally able to shake those chains off and remember the freedom that comes in trusting in Jesus Christ, the joy that comes in knowing that God is always by your side even if you make a “wrong” decision, because you will still end up where HE wants you to as long as you put your faith in him and give him the reigns to your chariot!!